The Rewards of Risk

Can it be? Can I have closed my computer and fallen into some Rip Van Winkle time warp only to open it again and find that 8 months have gone by?

When I broke up with my ex, this lovely writing outlet was my lifeline. It reminded me of my inner strength and so began the process of pulling myself out of the deep dark place I had fallen into. I found such beautiful company through the readers of this blog and letsmend.com, where my blog was syndicated. And as I started to heal and gain strength I began to stretch my legs a little. To take more risks. To get out more.

I had let myself do the work of grieving. I went to the places that were familiar and maybe still a little tender from previous relationships and really looked at them. I cried. Walked until the sun went down. Sat in coffee shops alone. Met new people and explored new places. And eventually returned to the woman I had lost in trying to save a relationship that was never meant to be saved. I had arrived at the very best version of myself. And so, having labored to rediscover her, I was not interested or willing to lose her again.

But then enter, D. A wild and unpredictable philosopher with a gentle spirit and captivating smile. I tried to back away slowly, to keep a distance that would prevent another broken heart. But it was no use. He was persistent, even when I told him my story. Even when he knew that my heart wasn’t all the way healed.

In the beginning, I had to come to terms with how scary the prospect of loving again was. How dangerous it felt to risk that, after I no longer felt so shattered. But the decision wasn’t a hard one. I decided to be brave. I chose love.

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One thought on “The Rewards of Risk

  1. Thank you for your blog. I came across it after reading all there is to read about breaking up, trying to find ways how to quiet my own obsessive thinking. Trying to find answeres on why my ex lied and treated me so disrespectfully. And why I allowed him to do so. Since there were red flags all over the place right from the start. I regocnized them, thought about them but still ignored them. Took me 2,5 years to finally get out. And yes, he ran straight to his “exe’s” comforting arms. She was always there, somewhere in the backround. But anyways, I loved your writing. We share some similarities too. Im a lawyer too (but in a different field and country :), I actually love Eat, Pray, Love 😀 Ive had a few break ups and at some point during my grieving phase Ive searched for the page in which theres this discussion on soulmates. Ive found such comfort in the notion of a soulmate discribed there. We have run into all these wrong men/people for a purpose. To learn something new about ourselves. To grow as persons. And maybe gain compassion and understanding which we can use to help others in their time of need. This thinking is my life line atm. But your writing made me feel peaceful and happy. Happy that you are in such a good place now. Since it gives me hope too, that one day i will be where you are now. Thank you 🙂

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